"Apprentice" Season Two Checklist

(Please note, because of the time that has passed since I wrote this article, it may no longer reflect my current views or the most accurate and complete information available on this subject.)

Mark Burnett's checklist for Season Two of "The Apprentice" (yes, I watch that crap, leave me alone):

  • Elevate Donald Trump to the status of demigod through not-so-subtle use of regal music and flattering camera angles. Check.
  • Exploit women for profit while using Carolyn's "strong character" to take the moral high ground. Check.
  • Breaking the stated rules of the game, fire someone who isn't technically allowed to be fired that week. Check.
  • Breaking the stated rules of the game, prematurely fire someone outside of the boardroom session set aside for firing. Check.
  • Breaking the stated rules of the game, fire multiple people at one time. Check.

Still to come (we'll definitely be Jumping the Shark this season folks):

  • Task where teams have 2 days to end poverty, oppression, and war with $25K seed money.
  • Special episode featuring Stacy J. on how to slander people you don't like and ruin their lives on national television. Subtitled: "Diagnosing mental illness for MBAs"
  • Fire Carolyn.
  • As the fired candidate is walking out to the taxi, shoot him or her in the kneecap with a sniper rifle.

Just wait, I'm tellin' ya. We ain't seen nothin' yet.

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