12 kinds of social networking status updates

If you're new to Facebook, Twitter or some of the other social networking spaces out there, you're probably asking yourself, "what should I expect to see when it comes to the status updates that people post in these places?" Or if you're a social networking veteran, you might still be thinking, "what's my niche online?  How do I decide what to post?"

Well, you're in luck!  I really enjoy cataloging and categorizing these kinds of things, and so I've put together this list of 12 kinds of social networking status updates.

Most every status update will fall into one of these categories:

  1. I want you to know how happy I am. I have really amazing family, friends, career, hobbies, food, or some other factors that I will go on about publicly to hundreds of strangers, and I just want you to know how perfect everything is in the world right now.
  2. I am incredibly busy and productive. But, I'm taking some time out of my incredibly busy schedule to tell you how incredibly busy and productive I am.  But as soon as I'm done with that, it's back to being incredibly busy and productive!
  3. I am kind of a big deal. Here's some information about me that's only thinly veiled as informational, but is actually designed to show you how important, successful, athletic, skilled, wealthy, well-connected and/or influential I am.
  4. I want you to know how unhappy I am. You won't believe how pathetic and unworthy I am, but I'd like to try to tell you about it anyway.
  5. I am really clever and insightful. Let me just say this really clever or witty thing and let you bask in how amazing I am.
  6. I would like to tell you about my physical location. Here is where I am right now.
  7. I'd like to share about the activities of my child or children. Let me show you how cute and/or irreverent they are.  If you don't have children, consider taking this opportunity to feel inadequate.  If you do have children, consider taking this opportunity to feel like you don't enjoy your children as much as I do.
  8. There is an injustice that needs your attention! Some person, organization or company has done something unacceptable and I need you to take action RIGHT NOW to help make it better.
  9. I have a link that I'd like for you to click on. It's really interesting, and it's possibly going to change your life.  Come on, just click on it.  What if it's a really cool photo of a cat in some situation you've NEVER seen before?  There, wasn't that amazing?
  10. I have a medical condition that I'd like to share about. I'm sick, or I'm getting better, or I'm having surgery, or I broke something, or someone or something threw up on me or I threw up on them.  Let me tell you about it.
  11. I would like to comment on some aspect of popular culture. Allow me tell you why a particular television show, movie, celebrity, singer, actor or athlete is in or out of my favor right now.
  12. I am mysterious. I would just like to post this string of characters that may or may not resemble words in your language, hoping to increase your confusion while also instilling some sense that I know something you don't.  598234.

Do you have other categories to add?  What kinds of status updates do you tend to post?

7 thoughts on “12 kinds of social networking status updates

  1. Hi Chris, I enjoy your blog. It would be very helpful if you would also classify the different types of actual in-person socialization I might encounter should I attempt to venture away from my computer and go to, say, a party. You know, where people are talking. Out loud. To each other. Great post! Keep it up!

  2. Hmm...and so where does my "here's what's happening in our class this week" update fall?

    Not that your post sounds cynical or anything...

  3. 13: Here is a picture of food I just ate or am thinking about eating.

    I honestly don't know what this is about, but it seems to happen a lot. "You know what the world really needs? It needs to know what my lunch looks like!" Maybe it is a subcategory of #1 or #4?

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