With another year gone by, I'm again sharing a few reflections on how 2016 went. (Previously: 2015, 2014, 2011.)
New house, staying in Indiana
With a big shift in my wife's professional life and an intentional wrapping up of most of my local commitments that required regular attendance at in-person meetings, this year found me as physically untethered to the city of Richmond, Indiana as I've been since I first came here in 1995. We spent much of the year asking whether we should stay, or take the opportunity to explore living in new places outside of the U.S. midwest. (Someone even started a rumor that we'd already moved away.) I reflected a lot on why I've stayed in Richmond this long, what we'd be giving up if we did go, and what we'd gain by living somewhere else.
There are changes happening locally and regionally that concern us, and there are times we want our daughter to have more diverse experiences than we can find in Richmond, so we know we'll keep considering these questions. But we decided that our wonderful community of friends and family, the difference we feel like we can make locally, and the opportunities we still have to see and live in other parts of the world all added up to staying in Richmond right now.
Continue reading 2016 Year in Review
I haven't written much in this space about my experience of parenting so far. I suppose that's partly out of reluctance to claim any special insight in such a well established and oft-documented part of the human adventure. Partly it's because much of the time I've spent in the past on writing has instead gone to parenting itself, or recovering from the lack of sleep involved therein. And partly it's because I only have mostly gushing, positive things to say about it, bordering on the disturbingly hyperbolic.
But here I am at a year into the experience - we celebrated A.'s first birthday last week with family and cupcakes - so it seems important to acknowledge that milestone here too.
First I'll get some of the clichés out of the way:
- Everything changes
- It's a miracle
- Sleep when they sleep
- It takes a village
- It gets easier
- Just when you find a routine, things change
- Hardest and most rewarding thing you've ever done
All of those have been true for us in some form or another. Details available upon request.
A point Kelly and I acknowledge often is how much harder parenting would be if it wasn't something you wanted or chose. We feel fortunate every day we get to parent A. because it is something we decided to do, knowing full well that it would be a challenge and a life-changing experience. My empathy for people who weren't ready to be parents, or for whom parenting is much different than they expected for whatever reasons in or out of their control, has grown significantly. For me and I think for Kelly, even on the hardest, most exhausting days of parenting, we still know and feel that there's no other way we'd want it to be.
See, gushing. I warned you. Ready for more?
Continue reading Parenting, year one
This week marks two full years of my employment at Automattic. I was fortunate to celebrate in person with a number of my colleagues as we hosted a workshop for our clients and partners in beautiful Napa, California.
People who know that I co-founded and built my own tech business before joining Automattic often ask me what it's like to work for someone else. My short answer is usually:
- I miss some of the joys and challenges that go with being ultimately responsible for the success of a business venture...
- ...but Automattic is a place where I am trusted with a level of autonomy that I'd be hard pressed to find in many other employment situations, and
- I am mostly just enjoying discovering new ways of doing things and being a part of a bigger team with greater resources available for innovation.
This post is my longer answer. While working at another company it has been useful and interesting to notice what it's like to have a change in my professional identity, not be "the boss," enthusiastically support something I didn't create, and try to balance the joys of "employment" with the inner itch to again be a "founder."
Continue reading Working for someone else
I thought I'd take some time to reflect back on the last year and share some highlights:
Undoubtedly the biggest change for me in 2015 was becoming a parent.
Friends, there is a miniature human being living in my house now.
There are many things about that experience I could go on about -- the adoption process, being in the delivery room for her birth, the incredible support and help we received from our friends and family, figuring out how to care for a new person and getting some sleep along the way, watching my wife become a wonderful mom and navigating a huge change in our life together, implications for our home automation setup, and much more -- and I'll try to blog about all of that as I can. For now I can say that being a father has been magnificent.
Continue reading 2015 Year in Review
One of the most common questions I'm asked as a new parent is "how much sleep are you getting?"
People who ask are usually expecting a fairly imprecise response, but thanks to my Fitbit Charge HR, I have data!
Mid-June is around when my sleep started being affected by the anticipation of parenthood, down to an average 7.3 hours/night. That trend continued into July with an average 6.75 hours/night.
A. was born in August, and that's when I hit an average of 5.5 hours/night. Most nights were well below that in the 2-3 hour range, and it was only because friends, family or my amazing wife would facilitate an occasional longer chunk that the average was as high as it was.
September got me back over the 6 hour mark, and by November I was almost getting an average of 8 hours. Mind you it wasn't always 8 full hours of deep sleep; lots of it was time sitting still in bed, anticipating A.'s next request for room service or entertainment. There's still plenty of that but the waits are getting longer, the sleep in between deeper. Continue reading How much sleep?
In June, I wrote about becoming a father.
In August, A. arrived in our lives, and we're so happy to be her parents.
As a friend said, "Nothing will ever be the same."
Kelly and I are in the midst of becoming parents. I am in the midst of becoming a father.
Don't worry, this site will not become a parenting blog. There are enough of those. But it's a big enough life change that it seems deserving of some reflection.
My own father was only in my life a short time, dying of cancer when I was 10. Here we are together while visiting my grandparents some time in the 1980s:
Continue reading Fatherhood